Let’s take FORGIVENESS first. Forgiveness is the most important key to a happy life. It walks hand in hand with love, which as we awaken, we come to know as the only true feeling that exists, everything else, fear, anxiety, guilt, anger, is part of the nightmare we dream for ourselves individually and collectively.

I want you to do something now, click here to experience the Forgiveness Exercise.

I recently watched an “Oprah” episode that dealt with “The Secret” on which James Arthur Ray said, “Being unforgiving is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die.” We MUST forgive in order to move forward and experience life fully.

How many times have you heard an adult blame some situation in their life on something that happened in their life, or something their parents did when they were children they have never let go of. It is so obvious that the fact that they cling to this excuse is the very reason they are not accomplishing what they need too. Letting go of the past is a conscious decision, an agreement with ones self to break free and begin to release the parasites of the past that feed on our consciousness everyday and keep us from experiencing the joy of free living. We are in control, whether we have accepted this responsibility or not is another matter, but we are in control of whether we experience life in a positive or negative way.

Let’s move on to ACCEPTANCE. Being in control of our lives also lets us know that everyone else, even our children, is in control of their life and the path they are on. As parents we have some responsibility to direct our children and help them learn to make the right choices. But, we do not have the right to burden them with our perceptions and beliefs that may not be in keeping with their own beliefs. Giving others the room to create themselves and the situations they experience in their lives is probably one of the most difficult parts of being in any relationship, whether in our home or at work. We see things from our own perspective, but what right do we have to inflict our perception onto others when we have no idea how they are perceiving any given situation or what they may be needing to receive, either positive or negative, from it.

Being able to maintain a sense of neutrality and acceptance of each moment that presents itself in our lives is a huge challenge, but one that we can meet. When something happens that makes us want to engage, or react, simply stop, take a deep breath, separate yourself from the situation and then look at it from that perspective. Instead of feeling affected by what is going on we can be of greater assistance to the other person by simply observing and responding in a way that doesn’t create negative interaction and leaves the air clear.

Have you ever been in a rush to get to an appointment and suddenly you find yourself stopped in traffic. Do you feel your blood pressure start to rise. You might get sweaty palms as you grasp the steering wheel and the thoughts of being late and everything negative that brings up in your mind begins to swirl around in your head until you are in a state of total anxiety. The next time this happens, stop, take a deep breath, even close your eyes for a moment and accept the traffic for what it is, know that there is nothing you can do about the situation and relax into the moment. Instead of fighting against what is happening, accept it and flow with it. You may be a few minutes late, in today’s world everyone is used to this, but you will feel relaxed and at peace instead of aggravated and angry.  Both are very unhealthy emotions and you don’t need them.

Acceptance is merely the ability to stand back and take a moment to see that you are not actually involved, you don’t need to be a part of what is going on around you unless, for some reason you choose to or need to be. Your house will be a more peaceful place if, instead of reacting in a negative way to a child’s or significant others’ request to do something you don’t necessarily approve of, to asking them why they want to do it. Actually have a conversation about the situation and sharing the moment with them in an open way that leaves both of you feeling positive and good. Don’t burden the situation with your negative responses that are conditioned over time by your own experiences, there is a great freedom in releasing the past and experiencing each moment as an opportunity to make a new, more positive imprint on our lives.

COMPASSION. The dictionary defines compassion as a sympathetic consciousness of another’s distress. This does not mean that you become involved in the distress of another. It means that you see the distress, you sympathize with it and have probably felt the same kind of distress at one time or another, but you don’t become involved with it to the point that it affects you. Sometimes just quietly being with another person and sharing the moment that they are in, listening to them and responding, when needed, in a non-judgmental way is a great gift to that person. Because we, once again, cannot know what another person is feeling or experiencing or why they are going through a difficult time, we cannot see the soul lesson for them through our human eyes.

I really try to steer away from giving advice. Advice is a very dangerous thing, because what may be right for you may be the worst thing possible for another. Advice, in its own way, is a judgment and we have no right to judge others. Being a compassionate listener is probably the greatest tool of being a good friend, partner, co-worker, it comes into play in all of our relationships. By listening, really listening and clearing our own mind chatter, we are able to be a silent witness to our friend in need and then offer key questions that will enable the other person to see for themselves what is going on and why. Instead of building resentment this aids in building trust, understanding and appreciation between two people. It is a constructive practice, not a destructive one.

We are really challenged to be compassionate with our spouses or significant others. Here we are in a relationship with another person, whom we love dearly, but who has many habits and ways of doing or saying things that “drive us crazy.” We have to learn to ACCEPT those things about the other person and be at peace with them. Life is give and take, right? Relationships take work and commitment and as we grow together in a relationship, we develop a history that binds us and in a way creates a separate entity that is the being of our relationship. It is that history that keeps us together, the memories of the love that has been shared and exchanged, the good times as well as the bad. These all contribute to the history of the relationship and make the glue that binds us together. There are some things we simply cannot change, so if we love someone, we accept them, have compassion for them and form our lives in a positive way both with them as well as separately.

We now come to EMOTION. Along with being an intuitive child and person, I have always been accused of being overly emotional. My mother’s nickname for me as a child was “Camille,” if that tells you anything. Being emotional has been challenging for me, at best.

When we react emotionally, we lose our perspective and are no longer neutral. We become involved in the situation instead of observing it and seeing it for what it is. Anger is probably the most dangerous emotion. I have learned never to do anything out of anger... ANYTHING! If I am angry, it is better not to speak, drive, do anything except let it evaporate, which it does very quickly now that I have learned to observe it and not feed it with more emotion.

There are positive and negative emotions, just like there is dark and light. What we have to do is learn to separate ourselves from the emotions and free ourselves from our attachment to them. This may be easier said than done, since most of us are masters of our emotions and have fine tuned them to a point of excellence.... especially where our mates and children are concerned. When you start to observe how you use your emotions to get reactions from others you will begin to be embarrassed that you could be so controlling. BUT, you can responsibly begin to redirect these emotions and replace them with positive responses.

One day, recently, my ten year old daughter, otherwise known as “the drama queen,” was going
on and on about being bored. She launched into a tirade about how unfair life was not to have given her a sibling. She flopped her body on the sofa and fixed a scowl on her face that I prayed wouldn’t freeze. I decided to observe the moment and turn it into a positive experience that would actually force her to take a look at what she was doing. Instead of engaging in the moment with her, I simply said, “Skylar, stop for a minute and observe how you are feeling. Do you feel good?” Her answer was a very angry “NO!”. I continued talking to her and finally tickling her until her laughter broke the mood and we were able to move forward from there and actually plan an activity together that she enjoyed.

This could have become a screaming match in some homes where the child was told that they didn’t appreciate how good they had it. Instead it became a positive moment in which my child actually realized what she was doing, took responsibility for it and changed it, with my guidance. The challenge to be a positive force in our children’s lives is overwhelming at times. They come into this world with a blank slate, so to speak, and we begin to imprint upon that slate our ideas, beliefs, judgments, attitudes and on and on. Everyone in their lives does this to them, that is why teachers are so important in a child’s life. A teacher who does not see each child as a jewel, something precious that must be loved and guarded and taught in a positive way, might want to question the path they have chosen.

It is amazing that any of us grow to adulthood when we think of the many different people who imprint themselves on our lives. No wonder people end up in analysis for years trying to sift through the thoughts and emotions they feel and don’t know what to do with. They don’t know what to do with them because they aren’t theirs. They don’t own them, they were imprinted in their lives from the moment they were born. It is a challenge for each of us to wipe the slate clean and begin to re-imprint, re-dream our waking and sleeping time so that we experience the true, pure emotions of joy and love.

Each time you feel a negative emotion rising up in your body, separate from it, tell it that it cannot have any power over you any longer and replace it with positive affirmations such as “I am filled with a sense of well being and pure joy.” There is no need to name the negative emotion in the affirmation because this gives it power. Negative emotions sap our personal power to the point that we are not fully functioning human beings. We numb ourselves with anti-depressants and all other types of drugs so that we won’t feel anything. Is this any way to live? There are times when depression serves a purpose. It is warning us that we need to make changes in our lives. If we have grown to the point of observing the depression and actually asking it what we need to do, we won’t need medication, we will simply make the necessary change that will balance our lives and get us back on an even keel.

Use positive emotion to replace negative and see the remarkable affect this will have on your life. I guarantee it works. But you have to work at it daily until the positive has so firmly replaced the negative that there is no longer any room for the negative. Your brain is the most intricate computer and you have the power to reprogram it at any time and begin to experience life in a positive, productive way.

When you have mastered the principles of forgiveness, acceptance, compassion and emotion you will feel a lightness in your spirit that will surpass anything you have felt before. You will clearly know when a thought is positive or negative because of the feeling attached to the thought. As you hone these skills you will open your experiences to an ever broadening world filled with light, opportunity and wonder. Your face will change, it will soften and mellow, reshaping itself into the positive, loving, confident woman you are becoming.